Waves of sadness and joy course over me as I have an “aha” moment. Once again, God has shown me something. Not anything new to mankind, but a deeper awareness of what he has been saying all along.
I have have been hungering more for God and leaning in to that posture more and more lately. I am excited to see what God is doing in me and around me and I want more of that.
But how that takes shape is continually surprising. Recently I found myself repeating an experience that I have had in the past. Something I knew then was not the best for me but it didn’t hold the same weight of grief when done in the past. But this time, it truly grieved me after the fact.
Jumping ahead, this morning I am reading Matt Chandler’s, The Explicit Gospel, and he writes this, “In the end, there is nothing under the sun that brings lasting fulfillment. You have to look beyond the sun.” This of course is a reference to Ecclesiastes and the preacher declaring all is meaningless, there is nothing new under the sun. While reading this, the song in my headphones became clear to me. “set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain, that I can’t control. I want more of you God, I want more of you! (Set a Fire, Will Regan & the United Pursuit)
Back to my grief of sin. I am not trying to justify or excuse it in any way, but there was a positive side to this. I discovered that as I fill my life’s ambition with more of Christ, the impact of anything less than him, is greater. I was broken because I had disappointed Him. That is a right response. But rather than get stuck in the shame, I now see instead the joy. I have tasted the Lord, and He is good! I went back to try something else, but it just didn’t satisfy like it used to! In fact it tasted outright bad. Am I glad I tried it again? No. But am I glad that I had this awareness, YES!
What is under the sun is meaningless and is old, stale and unsatisfying. It may not be “sin”. It may just be normal pursuits. But in comparison to the fire that God set’s within our hearts, it just won’t do.